Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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