3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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