Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
