My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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