It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
