My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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