I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
