What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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