i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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