I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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