last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
