haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
