Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
