I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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