I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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