My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
