And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
