just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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