You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The air was thick with penises
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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