I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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