Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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