I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
