She said her name was "party"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
