Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
