Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
