I have demons in me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
