I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
