Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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