so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
