I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
