No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
