i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
