we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
