I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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