If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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