Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
