i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My feet surprised me
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