Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
