I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
two words: eviction party
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
