I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
