i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
