Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
