Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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