He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
