apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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