Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
