I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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