you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
