So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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