At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
