Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
