just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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