but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize