oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
