You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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