I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
