So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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