Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
