does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
