I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
