I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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