Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
