i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
