I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
