my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
