Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
