He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
