I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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