she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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