Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
