Need sex. Gaining weight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
