I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
