I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
