grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
