My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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