everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
