dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
