We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
