I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
