arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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