saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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