I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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